How They Ruined How I Met Your Mother.

How I Met Your Father is shit, but will possibly be good for some nostalgia down the line.

An Asian-American lesbian, a wealthy Latina(x?), an Indian-American bar-owner, a dumb British guy, a white Uber driver, and a not-quite-annoying-not-quite-cute protagonist walk into a bar. 

This is the groan-inducing premise of the new How I Met Your Father spin-off of one of my preferred modern sitcoms: How I Met Your Mother.

It’s a predictable shame to see HIMYM’s legacy go this way. The original may have had its cookie-cutter foundations, but it was also clever and raunchy and fun. HIMYF is none of these things.

The shitness of the ‘situation’ in this situational comedy isn’t the fault of the writers. It’s the fault of New York, which actually does now resemble the opening paragraph of this post. Well, apart from the white Uber driver, which is just another predictable way of class-demoting white people.

Especially off-putting is the initial familiarity we are expected to have with the characters, and that we already have with the writing. And while the similar tone to HIMYM is a welcome break from the tedium of the likes of Schmigadoon, the viewer is thrust too forcefully back into the witticisms of those original six new Manhattanites from 2005, without any of the character development, or original cast’s charm.

Too often we find ourselves hearing echoes of the past, which is not limited to Ted, Marshall, and Lily’s old apartment on set. 

Tom Ainsley, who plays a rich dumb Brit called Charlie, tries far too hard to be the new Barney Stinson. Valentina is the Mexican Lily. Jesse – who lives in the aforementioned apartment – is Ted, with all of the loser vibes but none of the sweetness. 

The rest of the cast, thus far, aren’t even worth a mention. Not even the lead, Hillary Duff, who after two episodes we know almost nothing about. 

In fact, by the end of episode two I was still unsure if I was looking at the main cast of characters, or if we were still in the lead up to that. 

The only thing I’m looking forward to with this show is the inevitable attempt to salvage it using a series of cameos from the original series.

Imagine: a drunken Barney forgets Ted no longer lives in that apartment and comes bursting through the door, clutching a three-piece on a hanger before yelling, “Ted! Ted?! Suit uu…. you’re not Ted!” Hilarity ensues… for a moment.

We’ll feel better about our wasted time when this happens. The nostalgic percussion will coarse through our synapses. And then we’re left with… I’ve already forgotten new Ted’s name so we’ll call him “Crap Ted”… we’re left with Crap Ted and his crap new friends. 

4/10.